Hey guys, hope you are all doing well and continuing to glorify God in your daily lives. Still not much change for me regarding my health other than I am doing much better than I was last year when it had all started, which is a huge blessing. I had hit a low point a couple weeks back and in fighting against my own doubts, I learned something that changed my perspective of my weaknesses. So just like I ‘wrote’ a letter to defeat in a previous blog post, I ‘wrote’ one to insecurities.
Dear Insecurities,
Oh you have such a hold on me with your reflections of what outward beauty should be. Of what makes up a person someone would eternally love. Of what I need to do in order to impress and be accepted by the crowds who crave to be pleased.
You have been there but you have never held me in my sorrow. You have never consoled me with comforting words to heal my heart. You have never listened even though you’ve fooled me by hearing my troubles. You have never emptied hate out of my heart and filled it with compassion. You left me when I needed reassurance. You mocked me when I have tripped over my doubt. You have made me believe there is not enough love out there for me so that I may have my fair share. You are like nails painfully driving into me with your whispers of self-hatred.
Why would I even listen to you when I know the truth and that God loves me?
The truth is, I thought you were an unnecessary part of me that I needed to destroy, but now I see the truth about you. You may find this strange because though you have failed me over and over again, the one thing you have done right for me is told me I am not deserving of love. That little drop of pain has moved me to awaken. To see how my haughty soul has deceived me to think I am worthy of all heavenly treasures and good earthly pleasures and if I don’t receive them, I should fight for them.
Though I hate you at times for being a part of me, I now see the reason for you. You are here to keep me humble when I find myself submerging my heart into the waters of pride before I drown in self-pity and anguish. You are here to remind me of the beauty of God’s grace on my soul, for my eyes easily wander away from the cross. I once saw you as an enemy seeking to drag me down to despair but I now see you as an anchor to keep me from drifting away from God’s light standing in this sea that constantly shifts in different directions.
So even though at the beginning of this letter I put you down, I recognize the need to apologize for only seeing the negative and not the blessings in my pain and doubt, for they are being used to keep my heart— that is prone to raise itself up— deeply humbled and grateful for the blood of Jesus that covers me and the forgiveness God has granted me.
So thank you for being the nails piercing into me. Though you are painful when your drive into me, you are used to help keep me from falling apart. Now that I see the positive in you, I can now take the whispers you utter and turn them into a constructive motivation to make me more like Christ. Insecurities, you are in me because you can be used by God for His glory, just like I can.
I hope this has blessed you and inspired you to take your weaknesses and everything you see as a flaw and see them as a tool that can be used to keep us humbled at the foot of the cross.
If you haven’t checked out our EP CD, I encourage you to listen to it here on Spotify. Just click the link below.
Be bold and shine.
-Becca
Crimson Letters 